why i am pissed off

deceiving me

the situation (to paste into chat GPT)

beautiful family wedding south of france , cousins marrigage.
coincides with brothers birthday
cut a long story short , the card i left in my brothers card contained 50 euros. my birthday present to him.
my brother gave nick and i a lift to train station at end of holiday
just as saying goodbye he pulled 50euros out and gave it back to me saying it would only rattle around in wallet wouldnt have time to spend it.

a few weeks after the event

I have a vague recollection of sending these two adverts to him maybe 15 years ago. i really dont know.
he also sent them via text message

ill add another thing. a few weeks after returning money… before we fell out… he sent links to two old aadverts “mr soft softmints” and “everyone is a fruit and nutcake” it was weird. i had a weird thought that perhps i had sent those same links to him 15 yrs ago perhaps when facebook first started.

thoughts

i gave a clear signal i was done but he wanted a moment for himself repeating my name
i ignored it and left things calm for mum
he tried to pull me into a dynamic
when someone dont want engage with tries to pull you in it hits the nervous system.
intrusive - turning up
ending of the beastmaster
would rattle in his wallet is a very flimsy excuse aimed at plausible deniability
deliberate but subtle
i don’t need confirmation of intent. assuming it was intentional with a slither of doubt is enough for me.
does he understand how rude or offensive it is to return a gift

Soundbites

just be honest about your intentions in that moment and we won’t have a problem.
you’ve convinced yourself
you are not the person you say you are
who are you
what have you really been doing all this time

Analysing it Deeper

actual intent

he is a director of morgan sindall. i cant imagine he didnt consider the emotional hurt of returning the gift

likely experience with people and perception
understandable to think he must have considered the emotional impact.
he’s used to anticipating reactions and managing impressions—so
it feels reasonable to assume he was aware of how returning the gift might hit you.

the stomach turn

“stomach turn”—is your emotional radar picking up on that tension between surface kindness and potential intent.
even if not intended perceived intent as powerful as actual intent

consequences

deep capacity for revenge

thought scares me
i cannot know his mind
2 adverts cements it

how to process so it doesnt keep gnawing at me

maintain inner peace

giving it years to protect my boundaries before reconnecting is a reasonable healthy response
clarity over intent is part of why I need distance