big pause looking at everyone in the room getting eye contact all around] i was about 4 and steve 3 when my dad would ask us in the car “how much do you love your dad”

[bit of a pause cos i use a slightly different voice and it can be a little emotional] and one of us would say “this big” [gesture with hands} and the other “bigger” [gesture even wider] an i remember say “dad i love you bigger than the whole wide universerse” [pause]

precious memories. [look at steve]

very. precious. memories. [pause but look around room as saying it]

until very recently i thought those words were just a boy trying to impress his dad with how much he loved him. [pause]

like other boys in the playground i would boast about my dad. but i KNEW my dad was the best. I KNEW he was the strongest. and he was my dad. [ pause and let the words my dad drop more softly longingly ]

we didnt always see eye to eye. we are both Taurus [ look at sister lily who is also Taurus]

which means that we both have the highly admirable quality of being incredibly stubborn. but when Jenny told me he had a massive stroke all our differences disappeared instantly.

he wasn’t able to open his eyes or even talk to me when we reunited shortly before his death.

but he did manage to squeeze my hand and make a noise when he knew we were together again and that means so much to me.

it will be a great sadness to me that i can never have another conversation with him. i can no longer ask for his advice about my work, or share my hopes for the future. he has died [pause and let the bluntness sit]…

but our relationship to each other can never die. he will always be my father and i will always be his son. and i believe our souls are connected in some way. [small pause] by love. and that those little boys words were more true than he realised…. our love really is …. bigger. than the. whole wide universe.